Jedi’s & Jesus

The priest did not like me.  Perhaps this was because I didn’t recite the prayers, or I may have actually rolled my eyes at one point (eye rolling is as natural of a response for me as breathing — I can’t help it!).  During the ceremony, the priest actually yelled at me for having my hands in my pockets.  I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful.  Just the opposite.  I’m comfortable with a mic in my hands telling jokes, but as an outspoken atheist standing before my religious family (whom damn well knows that I’m a heretic) in a Catholic ceremony made me super uncomfortable.  Oh, the hypocrisy!

I don’t hate religion.  I used to.  But I’ve grown out of that angry phase.  If your faith brings you peace and happiness, good for you.  However, I do feel that if you blindly follow a religion without questioning it, you’re an idiot.  Religious people who hate atheists are projecting their guilt for their own lack of faith.  They are afraid the atheists are right.  The Pope said that atheists who are good people will go to Heaven.  There’s man who is one hundred percent comfortable with his beliefs.  I respect that.

It’s been a joke that Star Wars is my religion.  In a way, it’s not a joke at all.  I love Star Wars.  They’re fun films.  But in a lot of ways, Star Wars is my religion.  Look at some of Yoda’s teachings:

“Fear is the path to the dark side.  Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering.”

“Death is a natural part of life.  Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.  Mourn them do not.  Miss them do not.  Attachment leads to jealousy.  The shadow of greed, that is.”

“Size matters not.  Look at me.  Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm?  Hmm. And well you should not.  For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.  Life creates it, makes it grow.  Its energy surrounds us and binds us.  Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.  You must feel the force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock everywhere, yes.”

Star Wars is your classic tale of good vs. evil.  Light vs. dark.  It preaches the same things the bible does, but it’s more awesome because there’s light sabers and Han Solo.  Religion itself has been the path to the dark side throughout history and today.  More people have died because they believed it was for their God than any other reason.  The Old Testament is all about fear.  God is an asshole in the Old Testament.  The Koran is similar to the Old Testament as it preaches fear and violence.  This is why people are cutting off people’s heads in the Middle East.  All religions, especially in their early phases, thrive on making people fear God, because people are easily controlled when they’re afraid.  And fear, as Yoda warned, is the path to the dark side.

This is why I’m down with Jesus (even if I don’t believe he came back from the dead).  Because Jesus is kind of a hippie.  He’s all about loving one another, acceptance, and doing good.  That’s why he was so popular.  Jesus is a symbol of Hope (a new hope?).  Because he made God less scary.  Jesus has that whole, “let’s smoke a doobie and chill out, yo,” vibe.  That’s why Christmas is the best holiday ever.  Jesus is a rad dude.  Fiction or not, there are things to be learned from the new Testament and the teachings of Jesus.

As the priest said during the baptism, the job of the God Mother is to guide my God Son on the path of the Catholic ways.  For a brief moment, I almost felt guilty about being the God Mother.  Because I will not do this.  When he is older, he can can make his own choices about God or lack there of.  Jesus, Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter; they’re more or less the same character to me.  I’ve learned from all of them.  They are all fictional characters, but fictional characters have played an important role in my life.  I’m a writer. I thrive in fiction.

When I placed the baptismal cloth on my nephews chest, he spit up on it.  I thought this was hilarious.  And I had to hold back my laughter.  I don’t know why I doubted for a second that I’m the best candidate to be the God Mother.  I love my nephew more than I love any human on this planet (my parents are a close second).  Tis true, I am flawed.  Jesus was not.  That’s why I can relate more to a Skywalker than a Christ.

As a Jedi master would train a young Jedi, I will do my best to show my God Son the beauties of the world that bring me hope and happiness.   Young Jedi, hear me:  Happiness doesn’t come from other people, places, things, or religions: it comes from within each of us.  Life is fleeting.  Fear is natural, but don’t let it control you.  The Dark Side is tempting, and I’ve dabbled there.  I will be there for you if you find yourself drifting there.  Be kind.  I want to be living proof that if one works hard, they can accomplish their dreams.  Life is hard, but it’s not so bad if you surround yourself with good people. Find balance, young Jedi.  Read.  Read a lot.  And laugh.  Laugh at everything. The world is so silly.

I’ve heard a theory for the afterlife which I’m quite fond of.  That the after life is not a place you’ll go to.  But it’s more of a subconscious state — like a dream.  And within that state, you will relive your life, over and over.  But you will feel how you have made others feel.  So, if you’re a piece of shit, you will be forced to feel the pain you’ve inflicted on others.  This will be a version of Hell.  If you’re a good person, and brought joy to a lot of people’s world’s, then your eternal after life will be bliss, and you’ll feel the love that you’ve given forever.  And it’s all made possible by a Force that connects us.  Even someone as cynical as I can smile at the poetic justice of such a theory.

The Force is strong with this one.