Going to the Movies Alone

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• February 27, 2016

Movie going is one of my favorite pastimes.  There was a time in my life, I would go to the movies every week.  I wouldn’t even look up times or what was playing.  I’d show up, and just see the next movie.  I saw literally every movie in theaters.  Alone.

There’s something therapeutic about the movies for me.  My restless mind can finally shut the fuck up, as the lights dim, and music crescendos.  Watching a movie at home doesn’t have the same effect.  There’s so many distractions. The phone.  The computer.  The refrigerator.  All the things I should be working on instead of watching a movie.  But none of that seems important or even relevant in a movie theater.  The world outside is paused, for all I care, as I’m on a mental vacation from the real.

Some people think movie going alone is sad, but I don’t see it that way.  In fact, I think some movies are meant to be experienced alone.  I see most movies alone, but I do like to see horror movies and comedies with other people.  For my last four birthdays, I’ve gone to the movies alone (okay… that does seem kind of sad now that I wrote it down).  Lone movie goers usually sit in the back, where the unloved belong.  Sometimes, I sit smack in the middle of the theater (especially if it’s a 3D movie).  I’m a real Rosa Parks when it comes to the group of single movie goers.  But going to the movies alone doesn’t necessarily have to do with being single.  I’ve gone to the movies alone when I was dating someone (they do not like this).  I canceled dates to go to the movies alone.  I’ve been on movie dates, and wished I was alone, because I would enjoy the movie more.

Last year, on my 26th birthday, I went to see Mad Max by myself.  There was a group of probably teenage guys in my row.  When they realized I was alone, they asked me if I wanted to sit with them.  I coldly said, “no.”  Then, when the movie started, I told them to shut the fuck up because they were chatting.  It seems I’m always the first person to tell people to be quiet in movie theaters.  I know movie theater shootings are terrible, but would it really be so bad if the reason was people were talking?

When I visited my parents in Florida, we went to see the James Bond movie Spectre.  Someone was talking, and I shushed them.  My Mom cautioned me that I wasn’t in New York.  Every one in Florida owns guns.  “Well,” I said, “if they’re going to shoot me, I just hope they do it after the movie.”  I’ve also yelled at people for checking their phones too much.  I can be a real asshole.  I don’t even yell at people who check their phones at comedy clubs while I’m on stage.  But the movies is sanctuary to me.  This is my time.  Don’t take me out of it.  Or I will wish death upon you and your family, and I know that’s extreme, but I have a lot of mental issues.

One of the benefits of being a non threatening female, is I can even attend children’s movies alone.  Particularly Pixar movies.  Pixar continues to make some of the most original movies today, and a lot of them aren’t actually for children.  Inside Out I saw, alone, in a packed movie theater when I was on the road.  I gave up my seat so a family could sit together, which worked out better for me because I took the handicap seat in the front (I would have given it up if a crip wheeled in, don’t judge me for using their seat, judge me for saying ‘crip’).  I sobbed quietly in my seat during that movie.  Another time, I went to see Monsters University, alone (I feel like saying “alone” is superfluous at this point.  Assume I’m always alone.), and I sat in the back.  These two moms with a group of little girls sat in front of me (it was someone’s birthday).  They were fine throughout the movie.  Actually, I enjoyed hearing them laugh.  But at the end of the movie, one of the kids lost a shoe.  I decided to help them, and I turned the flashlight on my phone, and joined the search party.  It wasn’t until I found the shoe when I realized I probably looked a bit creepy, chilling in the back of this movie theater alone, now possessing a child’s missing shoe.

Even at 26 years old, I’m still carded to go see rated R movies when I go alone.  I know I’m young looking, but geez, I look older than 17.  I didn’t even get carded at the liquor store I just went to right before the movie so I could sneak in some booze to the theater.

Every so often, you get the entire movie theater to yourself (especially when you see movies at odd hours, as I often do).  What joy!  There couldn’t be a happier moment when the movie starts and I’m all alone.  Although one time, I went to see the second Hobbit movie.  I was the only person in the theater.  I guess the people who worked there didn’t think one person was enough to put the heat on, so I shivered through the entire movie.

Let us not forget the new reclining seats.  This is a game changer.  I went after work one day to see 22 Jump Street.  I prefer to see comedies with people, but this one I went solo.  I picked my seat, which gave me some anxiety, impart because I was stoned.  Then, when I was in the seat, I was overcome with happiness.  I rolled around the seat, laughing.  The seat is so comfortable!  And huge!  What a pleasure!

Don’t feel bad for me, or anyone you might see attending a film by themselves.  They might prefer it.   Actually, I feel bad for you if you’re not comfortable enough with yourself to attend a film by your lonesome.  If you see a lone movie goer, do not pity them.  This is, perhaps, the best part of their day.  Maybe, even, the best part of their week.