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The Jury & The Judge
This is purely idiotic. Of course we judge people. And we should. It’s pure primal instinct. Fight or flight. You need to assess every situation and person you encounter. If you did not judge every person you met, you would likely be dead already.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t account for the fact that you do not understand what a person has been through when you met them. For example, when people meet me, they assume I’m your “sweet girl next door,” but looks are deceiving because I’m kind of an asshole, and not at all sweet.
I’m saying you should judge someone based on the shoes they’re wearing, or based on the job they hold, or how they like their coffee. Superficial and material judgements are worthless. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t judge people.
I judge every person I meet. First, you go through the superficial judge. And that is, “do I want to have sex with this person?” Every person I meet, this is the first judgement I’ll make. This is not to say that I will have sex with all these random people I encounter, but I’ll pull from a Freudian theory here that all life is about sex (for the record, I’m not 100% sold with Freud’s theory, but sex has to do with a lot of things). The second judgement I’ll make is based on how healthy this person is. This is a wide range of things, from whether or not they’re coughing, scratching a rash, or if they are fit or fat. How someone takes care of their body is far more important than how they dress. I note this. I note how good their cardio would be in the zombie apocalypse.
Again, the superficial judge is cheap, and we shouldn’t do it. But we all do. These are not the judgements that matter. Now that the judgement of the flesh is over, then comes the most important judgement of all: Can I trust this person?
Of course, this is not a judgement you can make as easily fantasizing about sleeping with someone or not. And there are all different levels. Are you simply trusting someone to give you the right amount of change from your $50 bill, or are you trusting someone with your secret from 2011?
I don’t trust anyone I first meet. Everyone is guilty until proven innocent, as far as I’m concerned. I’m on guard. My shield is up. It could take years for me to get comfortable around someone, if I ever do.
How do you judge someone? Take everything you know. I mean facts, not hearsay, or rumors (take those into account, but don’t judge people based on gossip). I don’t take anyone’s word (unless I really know them and trust them, which is like four people for me). Your word means shit to me. Your actions are everything. I will judge you from that. Own your actions. Even if you fuck up. So what, you’re a fuck up? Who cares. No one really cares. People love fuck-ups because it makes them seem like less of one. Schadenfreude. Most people who you think aren’t fuck-ups are also fuck-ups, in some aspect of their lives. Our society not only breeds fuck-ups, but we worship them. Don’t believe me? Turn on the TV. Every thing on television, reality and scripted, is all about fuck-ups. Because we love them. Because we identify with them.
Some years ago, I created “The Committee.” Feel free to judge me based on this. The Committee is a thought process, you could say. When I’m dealing with a certain stressful situation and/or person, I present it to The Committee. The Committee is different aspects of myself that I divide in order to come to a conclusion. It’s like a meditation where I go into my head into meeting with all the characteristics of myself. Career Lori, Family Lori, Cynical Lori, Sexual Lori, Empathy Lori, Financial Lori, Self-Destructive Lori, etc, will present their case on how we should proceed and then I analyze this and take it from there. Picture a large table with a bunch of Lori’s arguing about something. Pretty creepy, right? I am the jury and the judge. Actually, I used to do this A LOT. I don’t as much anymore, but on occasion it helps to call upon The Committee
In addition to being borderline schizophrenic, I’m also psychic. I can’t talk to your dead loved ones, but I can predict your future. It’s pretty easy. Anyone can do it. All you have to do is know someone’s past, judge their present, and their future is relatively predictable. I’m so good at this, it’s annoying. I actually wish there were more unpredictable people in this world. So much so, that I try to be unpredictable to myself. I’m a fairly neurotic person, with a lot of habits, and people of habit are the easiest to predict, however, I do find myself living WWLND (What Would Lori Not Do) to throw myself off. The future I foresee for myself, and the future I fantasize about have two entirely different outcomes. Is it even possible to prove yourself wrong? Yes, I think so. I know so, actually.
Am I digressing? It’s all relative. But I would like to digress for a moment here and knock religious people. I am not at all religious, but I grew up in a very religious family. If you’re religious, that’s grand for you. But the most hypocritical people I’ve ever known are deeply religious. They preach to not judge, but they are the most judgmental people on the planet. I think Catholics in particular are very guilty of this, but it’s not limited to Christianity. Religious people are so insecure about their God judging their actions, they are constantly judging others, thinking they’re so much better just because they go to church. Check yourself. If you are religious, practice what you preach. If you don’t, I’m judging you. And you are an asshole.
People who deny judging, or say, maybe don’t judge people as much as I do, tend to get screwed over, hurt, back-stabbed, and betrayed way more. Why? Because they’re not paying attention! If you don’t make proper judgements on people, you will be disappointed again and again. Other people seldom disappoint me because I expect so little of them. If I’m hurt by someone who’s done something selfish, I usually just get pissed at myself for believing they’d do anything different because most of the time the evidence is right there in front of your eyes. I’m not saying don’t trust anyone. You’d likely be a happier person if you’re more trusting than I, but don’t be fool.
When you do make your judgements, try to ween out the petty shit. And for the love of God that some people believe in, please don’t judge “hidden” meanings from a text message. People judge texts more than they judge people, and that’s a problem with our society.
Okay, so people are judging you all the time. Relax. Most people could give a flying fuck about anything that you do. Should you care about what people think of you? Yes. But not everyone. I care about what 0.0000001% of the population thinks about me. Probably less. I don’t know. I’m terrible at math.
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