Just Don’t Lie To Me

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• February 22, 2022

I neither love nor hate being single. Like anything, there are pros and cons. Being alone doesn’t bother me the way I think it bothers most people. As an introvert, I relish lonely hours. This, however, doesn’t mean I’m immune to the sometimes daunting, if not crippling, loneliness side effects of longing for arms around you at night.

At this point, I’m ready to give up the dating apps. Being a tomboy, it was long thought I’d end up with one of my many male friends. I have, however, asked out three good guy friends in my life— only to be rejected by them all. That’s the worst kind of rejection. From someone who already loves you, laughs with you, and knows you to just be like, “errrr, no.” Not that I don’t understand. I too have turned down friends who asked me out. So I get there are things at stake when you try to jump from friends to lovers.

Anyway, in the meantime I had this friend with benefits. I’ve had successful friends with benefits in the past where neither of us got hurt and we were sexually satisfied and continued to be platonic friends afterward we ended our arrangement, however, I’ve also had friends with benefits that ended poorly. It’s always a risk.

This most recent friend with benefits is a friend of friends. We’ve known each other for many years, actually, and while he is undoubtedly handsome, I never really gave him previous thought. Both of us being single, we engaged in a mostly sexual relationship and neither one of us made any efforts for it to be any more than that.

On my end, I’ve no other partners. Still, I am on the market and looking. If I found my heart skipping a beat for someone, this set up would come to a quick close. It is not my business whether or not he is seeing anyone else. We are not dating. I do not ask. I do not care.

That all being said— we had good times together. Conversation was easy and sex was good. And how hard is it to find someone who is both? Win-win.

So we’re hanging out one night. He’s a pretty anti-social guy. Never had social media. Ever. I’m on it all because I need to be for my work. He says all his friends (including our mutual ones) say he should try the dating apps but he thinks it’s weird and unnatural to just start messaging strangers. I confess I’m on the apps and have been having little luck on them.

The night continues and as FWB we do what FWB do. Post sex, he goes up to go the bathroom. His phone is there idle on the nightstand and it starts buzzing and glowing. Instinctively, I just look over. “Hinge” is notifying him.

Liar.

When he returns to bed, I’m tempted to say something, but I don’t. It’s not that he’s on a dating app that bothers me. He’s not my boyfriend. I’m not his girlfriend. But he lied. And I fucking can’t stand liars. I’m often too honest, almost to a fault.

Mostly, I’m confused. I admitted to being on dating apps. There is nothing wrong with it. I genuinely do not understand why you would lie about it. This makes no sense to me. Additionally, we’re not just random people to each other. We have known each other for over a decade.

Look, I’m not saying he’s a monster. Actually, I think he’s overall a good person whom I’d like to remain distant friends as we were before. I’m not pissed, but I’m not pleased either. I think perhaps in his very limited emotional brain, he could have felt he was “protecting me.” But that’s early 20s head games shit. We are in our 30s. Too old for games. It’s not like I’m heartbroken. We don’t love each other. It’s more about the lack of respect.

People who are dishonest with their partners ultimately have two outcomes: they end up alone or they end up in shitty relationships. Yes, lying is sometimes easier than the truth. But the brave thing to do is the best thing to do. And I do not have time for cowards.