Favorite Kind Of Cousin

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• February 28, 2022

Last week, I spent most of my time with a four year old: niece Charlotte. My sister, who works in accounting, is stressed in the throes of tax season. Her husband was traveling for work. And it was the week of the kids break. Working remotely that week, I came out to be Charlotte’s companion.

On President’s Day, it was beautiful here in New York. Charlotte and I went to a park to play on a playground, where we would tire each other out, chasing one another, and her insisting I spot her on climbs that she is certainly too small for. But how could I blame her? I’m 32 and still when I see something to climb I have the urge to do it.

After this, we did some Easter crafts back at the house. My niece, who is a notoriously picky eater, even ate two fruits and all her proper dinner. And while Charlotte loves a bath, she’s at a stage where she doesn’t like to wash her hair. It was here in the bath where she threw a fit, not wanting me to wash her. I had to take all her toys away before she would let me. Then, she was fine.

When my sister came home, I told her what a good day we had. At the playground, the Spring decorations we made, that Charlotte ate healthy.

“But I wasn’t all good, Mom,” Charlotte butts in, “I was bad in the bath. I was a bad girl. I didn’t let Aunt Lori wash my hair.”

Well… two points for honesty, kid. Later in the week, she didn’t give me any trouble washing her hair.

Midweek, we were scheduled to have a sleep over at my cousin Brittany’s house, who also has a daughter Charlotte’s age and they get along swimmingly. They are best friends. It’s ever so sweet, especially since it mirrors the bond Brittany and I have always had.

Now, I’ve a giant family. Since my parents are both one of six kids, I have 19 first cousins. Most of them also grew up on Long Island, but not all. I love all my cousins. I miss seeing them as much as we used to when we were young. Now that we’re all adults, many have their own families and live scattered across the country. When we have reunions, they are most fun. I think it’s pretty awesome to have 19 first cousins and to like them all, calling them all friends. I’ve only one Uncle I can’t stand and don’t speak to. Otherwise I’ve always been surrounded by giving maternal and paternal figures.

I’m close with a lot of my cousins. But no one more than Brittany. She’s only one year older than me. For as long as I can remember, we’ve been best friends. She grew up about 25 minutes away from where we lived. We were always similar and we were always laughing. Brittany and I were also both unusually small kids, shorter and skinnier than almost anyone our age.

Usually, when kids play together, one is the obvious “leader.” This is not so much the case with Charlotte and Brittany’s daughter. They seem to play as equals. They seem to be perfectly in tune with each other’s imaginations. It’s so adorable. Weren’t Brittany and I the same way?

During our school breaks, Brittany and I looked forward to lengthy sleep overs. We always wanted to hang out with each other. Constantly, we begged our parents to drop us off at the other’s house. Brittany and I hung out so much, that one year, my face showed up more in her school’s year book than my own.

[Brittany and I during Christmas many suns and moons ago. Do you see the resemblance from the picture above of her daughter and my niece?]

Brittany and I were pen-pals for many years. How I looked forward to my letter from my cousin Brittany. Just as well, I loved writing her back.

I saved these letters in a shoe box decorated like a treasure chest (haha) and gave them to her before she got married. It’s funny because both of us were obsessed with getting good grades. We bragged when we got A’s and I lamented about how bad I was at math.

We complained about our siblings or told stories about what activities we were in at our schools. But mostly we wrote about what we were going to do together during our school breaks or how when we grew up we were going to move to Hollywood together and write and star in our own movies.

During school breaks, we wrote scripts and filmed them on my dad’s absurdly large VHS camcorder. Most of what we wrote were parodies. We wrote a parody of Stephen King’s “It.” (Because, during one of our sleep overs we watched “It” despite being told we weren’t allowed to. It scared us so much, we were afraid to go to the bathroom alone. Making a funny parody of it was our way of making it not scary anymore). We also made a show called “All This,” which was a knockoff of Nickelodeon’s “All That.” And we made commercial sketches as well (one of the famous ones was “are your couches eating you?”). Our siblings or friends would often be forced to be in our Ed Wood like productions.

So, as you can see, I was actually writing comedy as young as middle school. Brittany went on to do something more noble with her life. She’s a PA in neurosurgery and drills holes in people’s heads for a living. This is truly amazing, especially since to this day she won’t go in a basement by herself (haha). She also went on to marrying perhaps the nicest man I’ve ever known. Trust me when I say I have a very high standard for my loved ones partners. Her husband far exceeded my expectations. It’s a lot for me to admit anyone is good enough for her, but he certainly is.

[From her bachelorette party in Atlantic City. I remember we were at the bar and she was trying to buy me a drink and the bartender wasn’t letting her, saying that I should be buying the drinks. She insisted that I was a poor comedian with no money and yelled at the bartender, “it’s my party and I’ll buy drinks for who I want to!“]

Once, Brittany left a message on our voice machine when we were young, inquiring about our play-date, probably. She referred to herself as my “favorite kind of cousin.” My whole family laughed at this. Favorite kind of cousin? It became a running joke, and it’s how we still address each other to this day.

I love seeing the little ones of my family members play together. I really can’t imagine my life without having this giant crew of cousins. Additionally, I think they’ve all made me a more well rounded, empathetic person. Also, I don’t know there will ever be people in the world who understand me more than my cousins. Or make me happier.