Toast Tips

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• July 8, 2023

Whether it’s a wedding toast or a speech at a retirement or something, most people are pretty awful at public speaking. Don’t feel bad. It’s hard. And if it’s not something you practice, it’s unlikely you’ll be that good at it even if you have some natural charisma.

As a professional writer and public speaker, I always urge my friends and family to reach out if they need help writing a toast or speech. I also encourage acquaintances or strangers to hire me to help them with theirs.

But here are my basic tips if you need to give a toast or speech. Trust me on this.

First and foremost, don’t wing it! Write it down! You don’t have to read your speech verbatim (actually it’s not good if you look down and just read it, you’re better off making bullet points). But not taking the time to write it and thinking you can riff it or that it will just comes out of your head the way you’re picturing it is a mistake. I’ve seen lots of people make this error (usually men more than women). Even the best comedic riffers took years to get that way. If you wing it, you will probably bomb. WRITE IT!

This rule is the most important (tied with the next one). Your toast is NOT ABOUT YOU. I can’t tell you how many toasts I’ve seen where the person speaking will start talking about themselves. It’s nauseating. Your speech should really never contain the word “I.” It should contain “we” and “you.” The saddest part is usually when a person gives a speech that is more about them than the person or people we are celebrating, everyone else notices the self centered nature of their speech except them. Sometimes this happens because that person is a narcissist. But other times it happens because they don’t know how to write anything that’s not about them. That’s okay. Get second and third opinions before you give a speech. Or hire me.

Equally important is the length of the speech. Three minutes maximum. Short and sweet. The times I’ve seen toasts go on for 10 minutes, everyone is bored and wants you to shut the fuck up. Your speech should have a short story/anecdote and then some words about how awesome the person/people you are toasting is/are. That’s it! Keep is simple, stupid.

Don’t read off of a phone. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. It just looks stupid. Look at a picture or video of someone reading a speech scrolling on their phone. It’s poor taste. Put your speech (or bullets) in a little notebook (when officiating a wedding, I had my speech in a mole skin notebook— very classy looking) or put it on index cards. It just shows respect for your role in this position. Don’t be lazy.

You may have a drink or two before your speech or toast, but do not get drunk. It will cause you to forget, stammer and slur. You may be nervous (I was so nervous when I gave the maid of honor speech at my sisters wedding. But since I wrote and rewrote it and practiced it, it killed). It’s normal to be nervous. Have someone waiting with your drinks or shots post speech.

Only use humor if you are funny. If you are funny, a humorous speech is best. But some people are not funny. And that’s okay. Don’t be something you are not. Forced jokes are often cringey. Perhaps you’d be better off pulling at heart strings. But if you want to be funny and don’t know how to be, hire me.

Be sure to mind how you speak. I’m a natural mumbler. It drives my family and friends crazy. On stage I speak perfectly articulate. Sometimes I have to focus on this. I have to project my voice and slow down my words. If you don’t know how to hold a microphone, ask the DJ what is the proper way to talk into the mic (also, some mics are different than others). If you can, keep in mind pacing and pauses. If you do get a laugh, stop and let people laugh before continuing.

Finally, look up. Even if you don’t want to look at people’s faces or reactions, look over their heads. Looking down the whole time loses your engagement with the crowd and makes you look weak. Lift that chin up, even if you’re scared. Confidence, remember, is often a facade.

Cheers!