So You Want To Buy Pictures Of My Feet?

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• September 22, 2023

Years ago, I got a random email asking me to be a tickle model. The offer was to be paid $1000 an hour to be tickled on film. My face wouldn’t have to be shown.

Initially, I thought one of my friends was doing a bit and playing a prank on me, so I went along with it, asking questions and feigning interest. Eventually, I figured out this wasn’t one of my comedy friends pulling a gaffe, this was a legit offer. And apparently, there’s a documentary about the online world and fetish of people really loving watching women get tickled.

Spoiler alert— I didn’t actually go get tickled, even though then, like now, I was pretty desperate for money and I would be lying if I didn’t consider it for a minute or two. But going into a place with people (specifically men) you don’t know and getting tied up seems like a recipe for something really, really bad to potentially happen to you. I then wrote a blog about this called “Tickle Model.” To this day, it’s my most read blog and I get messages about it constantly. So, apparently, there are a lot of people out there still willing to pay to tickle me.

Many of my comedy friends encourage me to do an OnlyFans as I struggle to make any money in show business and barely get by despite have TWO writing jobs. Thanks guys, for believing my hard work and talent will pay off instead of selling my body to perverts on the internet. They’re not completely wrong though. I know a number of women on OnlyFans who make a lot more money than anyone I know who is a writer. And I don’t begrudge nor judge them. I truly do not care. Make money, fuck bitches, is what I say. I’m like a rapper that way. But still, I’m not at the point where I want to masturbate in front of live camera even though every time I do masturbate I think, “wow, Lori, you just jerked off thousands of dollars for nothing in the privacy of your own home.” (hahaha)

I have friends, in all seriousness, suggest I sell pictures of my feet. My feet! My feet, objectively, are by far the ugliest part of my body. As a runner, they are callused, and often peeling at the heel. I have toes that for reasons unknown can bend in three different directions. Look, I’m okay with having hideous feet considering I’m good looking otherwise. Sure, I occasionally post thirst traps of my near perfect breasts and hella impressive abs in hopes to increase my stupid social media following because comedy has become more about social media than great jokes.

So why not cave into the world of the online brothel to make six figures a year, as opposed to making like $40,000 a year working literally three jobs? I don’t know. Because that’s not what I dreamed about when I was young? I dreamed of being a writer and comic. I never even dreamed of being a model. I never wanted to sell my body. For fucks sake, I never even wanted to get married. But if I’m going to fuck for money, I might as well just find a partner I love who not only wants to fuck me but spend quality time with me.

That being said, I got bills to pay and restless spirit that wants to see the world. I always found feet fetish people odd, but wouldn’t it be nice to date someone who just wants to rub your feet while you watch re-runs of sitcoms? So all this being said, is there anyone out there who wants to buy pictures of my completely ugly feet?