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Top 12 Film Character Crushes
12. Harry Hart, Kingsman (Colin Firth)
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, there’s nothing sexier than a gentleman who can also kick ass (and, often does). Kingsman is a roller coaster of non stop action, one-liners, and the adorable Colin Firth making being a nerd look so fucking cool. Also, having an accent helps.
11. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park (Jeff Goldblum)
Jeff Goldblum was the first Jew I was ever attracted to. See picture above. Life… uh, finds a way.
10. Westley, The Princess Bride (Cary Elwes)
What isn’t to love about The Princess Bride? Great storytelling, funny, action, romance… it’s the best! Robin Wright aged way better than Cary Elwes, but every girl loves Westley. As you wish…
9. Loki, Thor (Tom Hiddleston)
Chris Hemsworth is the perfect man, therefore, perfect for Thor. But I have the hots for Thor’s daft brother, Loki. There’s nothing better than a great villain. I’m on Loki’s side.
8. Harry, Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood)
I know what you’re thinking… Did he fire six shots or only five? Hollywood has been feeding my generation these pretty boys who would look like gorgeous women if they wore wigs. I prefer my men to be men, like a young Clint Eastwood. Clint is bad ass. If only he weren’t like 200 years old. Oh wait, he spawned a younger version of himself (pictured below). Thank you universe!
7. Leonard, Memento (Guy Pearce)
Okay, so this one is a little fucked up, especially knowing how the movie ends. But there’s something about Guy Pearce’s cheek bones that make me melt. Also, this is one of my favorite movies of all time. Didn’t we already establish my attraction to the mentally insane? I don’t have any tattoos, but “Find Him And Kill Him” across my chest seems like it would suit me.
6. Eames, Inception (Tom Hardy)
Back to back Christopher Nolan films. Christopher Nolan continues to make original films in a day in age where I often question that’s even possible anymore. As someone who is obsessed with dreams, Inception was an instant favorite. Leonardo DiCaprio is always great, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is adorable, but Tom Hardy beats them both. To quote Liz Lemon, “I want to put my mouth on his mouth.”
5. Marla Singer, Fight Club (Helena Bonham Carter)
Marla… the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can’t. My ultimate woman crush is a Chuck Palahniuk character, because, of course it is. Ed Norton/Brad Pitt as the Narrator/Tyler Durden are sexy as Hell. I have more in common with that character(s) than I even like to share on my weekly blog rants. The philosophies in that book/movie are life changing, and perhaps, this is why I find myself so attracted to Marla.
4. Han Solo, Star Wars (Harrison Ford)
We all love Han Solo. He knows.
3. James Bond, James Bond Movies (Daniel Craig)
I’ve had many heated debates about this, but Daniel Craig is (in my humble opinion which I consider to be correct at all times) the best Bond. I like my 007 movies dark. Daniel Craig is perfect for the spy that literally everyone finds charmingly irresistible.
2. Tony Stark, Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr)
Even if he weren’t a super hero, a genius, or rich, I’d love Tony Stark for being a total smart ass. I love smart asses. There is no one better to play Tony Stark, mostly because there is no one cooler than Robert Downey Jr.
1. George Jung, Blow (Johnny Depp)
Well, this is no shocker to anyone who knows me. This entire list could be all Johnny Depp characters, if we’re being honest. No, I don’t love the real George Jung. The real George Jung was probably a huge dick head. I love the romanticized version portrayed by Johnny Depp. Drugs, sex, and rock n’roll, baby. Sure, throw in that crazy bitch Penelope Cruz. Let’s do drugs, and get weird, Johnny. And please, for the love of God… Do some good movies again.
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