Q&A

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• May 24, 2015

Where was your first performance on stage, and how did it go? Do you remember the first joke you told to an audience? (Dough H.)

My first stand-up performance was a bringer show (a new talent show where you have to bring x amount of people for x amount of stage time, for those not in the comedy world), at Stand-up NY.  It went, surprisingly, very well.  I had no expectations of being a stand-up comic at the time.  I was in college and wanted to write sitcoms, and it seemed a lot of sitcom writers were stand-ups.  I don’t remember my first joke, but I think I did jokes about people thinking I was gay, skydiving, and how Scooby-Doo’s gang were all a bunch of stoners.  I continued to do bringers and open mics in the city.  If I hadn’t had such a good experience from the start, I’m not sure I would have continued doing stand-up.  It was something else, for sure.  I was hooked from the start.

What’s the best WW2 movie (a movie about that time not necessarily made in that time)? (Spark T.)
I’d have to go with Saving Private Ryan.  But the WW2 movie that I’ve seen the most is, hands down, Inglorious Bastards.

Do you feel, as I do, that in the year 2015 if a driver winds up in an E-Z pass lane during rush hour and doesn’t have an E-Z pass that said driver should be immediately executed? (Ernie N.)

I think that’s a little extreme.  But I do think the people who are stuck in cars should be able to take a baseball bat to the car of said driver who held up the line.  Fair?

How do I get a studio to read my screenplay? (David F.)

I wish I had the answer to this one.

Is a comedian’s job more about being funny, or doing social critique? (Brian B.)

It’s more about being funny.  But, I think the best comics have mastered both (i.e. Colin Quinn, Louis CK).  I think in this day in age, stand-up comics are the only people who truly have freedom of speech.  You can say anything, but you have to be funny about it.  The requirement is being funny.  Unfortunately, there’s a lot of politically correct assholes who are not only making it harder for comics to do what they do.

If you lost your hair would you still do comedy? (Angelo C.)

This is, oddly, one of my biggest fears.  When I was in high school, one of my nervous habits was to pull hair from a particular spot on the back of my head.  I had a little bald spot and it would bleed from time to time, from picking at it.  I know, it’s fucking crazy.  I feel like if I lost my hair, it would be because of some psychotic episode where I really lost my shit, and started yanking my hair out, in which case, I probably wouldn’t be doing comedy.  That or cancer.  Both sound terrible.  So, the answer is no?

As a follow up, would you ever do a “Coneheads” sketch or even a “remake” if given the opportunity? (Nando M.)

I think a Coneheads remake is a terrible idea.  That being said, I’m broke as hell, so yeah, I’d do it.

What do you feel is the greatest potential consequence of thermonuclear proliferation in Third World counties? (John T.)

They are all going to die.  We are too.

Shoe size? (Marty B.)

7.5.  I assume this is because you want to buy me shoes.  I’m a fan of Roxy footwear.

Are you a dog lady or cat lady? (Nando M.)

Neither.  I’m allergic to both.  I like fish.

Why do you think anyone cares about your opinion or wants your advice? (Kevin D. Jr.)

I don’t think anyone cares.  This is a mere ploy to try to generate more readers for my blog.  If you’re reading this, Kevin, I’ll assume it worked.

What’s my changes of getting on Letterman? (Evan W.)

Evan, I’m pretty sure if you get within 500 feet of Letterman, you will be detained.

Have you learned your lesson about telling comics to ask you questions? (Jon S.)

No, and neither have they.

Who are your favorite comedians? (William F.)

I know you asked my favorite comics in different genres, but a comedian is a comedian, and my top three favorite (in no particular order): Colin Quinn, Maria Bamford, Jake Johannsen

What do you believe will be the ultimate fate of mankind, planet Earth, the Universe?  What’s the deal with dark matter? (William F.)

I have no idea what the fate of the Universe or planet Earth will be.  For Mankind, too many stupid people have access to very powerful and destructive weapons, and one day, the shit is going to hit the fan, and we’re going to blow each other up.  It will be madness, and we will rebuild, and then it will happen again, because we can’t stop killing each other.  Dark Matter is fascinating to me.  If you don’t already watch Cosmos (on Netflix), you need to be watching it.  It’s fucking brilliant.

Do you know where my tv remote is? (Mike D.)

No.

Who puts the ‘M’ on M&Ms.  I think child labor laws might be being violated. (Kenny G)

Rest assured, robots stamp the ‘M’ on M&M’s.  Because the children kept eating the product, I assume.

How are Surfing and Stand-up similar? (Joe S.)

I think surfing prepped me for stand-up in many ways.  First, they’re both male dominated fields.  Since I’ve always been kind of a bro, stepping into the boys club of comedy never daunted me simply because it was a boys club.  Actually, I felt more comfortable that way.  Most of my best friends are surfer dudes, and male stand-up comics.  Surfing is one of the best feelings in the world, and unless you are a surfer, you have no idea what you’re missing.  But, it’s also really hard.  It takes years before you can actually ride a wave without falling off.  You get beaten, physically.  Over and over.  Stand-up is all emotional abuse, but it also takes a lot of failure just to get remotely funny.  They’re both incredibly hard, and you have to be persistent, determined, and borderline psychotic to keep on keeping on.   And once again, the feeling of killing for a room is something only comics understand.  Both feed my unquenchable thirst for adrenaline.

Regrets? (Mike L.)

Besides asking questions for this blog?  Over years of suffering from sinus trouble, I have heavily abused sinus sprays, despite doctor and pharmacists warning, thus, destroying my already shitty sinuses.