Big Sky

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• September 7, 2024

“Big Sky”

Big Sky looked down on all the people who think they got problems
They get depressed, and they hold their heads in their hands and they cry
People lift up their hands and they look up to the Big Sky
But the Big Sky is too big to sympathize

—The Kinks

To be fair, before I went to Montana, I wasn’t even really sure where it was on the map. One of those big states in the middle that starts with ‘M.’ My comedy career has brought me to many places I’d probably never go if I wasn’t a traveling clown. Especially opening for big acts, who’ve become friends, like Jim Norton.

There are no direct flights to Montana. We took 47 different planes to get there. I think it would have actually been easier if we traveled via a freight wagon towed by horses like the Oregon trail. Of course on the Oregon trail there is a high risk of cholera, typhoid, snake bites or dysentery.

On one of flights, I was seated on an aisle seat and was delighted when a handsome man had the window seat. I already had my book in hand, and it’s VERY unlikely I will ever strike up a conversation with a stranger on a plane unless they’re hot. I started the conversation asking him if he’d ever been to Montana. He hadn’t. He was going for a wedding, from California (we both had layovers in Denver). I told him I heard that when landing, you come over mountains and it kind of looks like you’re going to crash. That’s what I heard anyway. He told me he was originally from Greece and I told him I live in the most Greek neighborhood in America. Truly, I love the Greeks. It was going swimmingly until the middle seat passenger came. To say he was heavyset would be putting it nicely. He was spilling over the seat, and to make it worse, he smelled bad too. Goddammit. When I lamented to Jim the situation, he said the only person more annoyed than me was the Greek guy.

If I were to film a movie that took place in the 80s or even 70s, Billings, Montana would be a pretty solid location since every building or store front seemed to be locked in time. There were brief moments I forgot we were in 2024. Jim and I were both exhausted from the long day of traveling. The following night (Friday), we had our show in Billings and then on Saturday we’d drive to Bozeman for a show there.

They really love bison and horses in Montana. Almost all the art is bison or horse themed. I didn’t much care for the horse art in my hotel room because I have a phobia of horses. They terrify me.

Thursdays and/or Fridays, I write jokes for Gutfeld. And I always have writing projects (currently have 3). But days waiting for show nights can be long, so I looked up a short hike not too far from the hotel to do in the morning at the Pictograph Cave State Park, where, there is a Ghost Cave with cave art up to 2000 years old.

On Friday morning, I Ubered to the park (Jim, like most comics, is not as autistic as me and was not interested in looking at rocks, haha). Though only about a 15 minute drive, I grew frustrated with the driver who drove 30mph on this open road with a 55mph speed limit. He drove hunched over the wheel, like he was afraid. Then, I started to become a little worried as we got closer that I might not have any cell service to summon an Uber to bring me home and that I’d have to hitchhike with other tourists/hikers (luckily this was not the case). Or worse. I’d have to walk and encounter a horse.

Montana is known for it’s “big sky.” Big Sky is written on license plates and store fronts and t-shirts. A big sky, indeed, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky of the warm, dry air. But doesn’t Montana know that the sky extends to every corner of Earth and isn’t exclusively Midwest?

The hike was more of a walk, very easy, though I did go off trail at some point to climb some rocks (rock climbing is peak fun for me). Most of the pictographs aren’t visible except for the red ones, which probably weren’t the oldest because they were of guns.

[The top picture is my photograph. The bottom is model of what’s there. You can still see the guns, not so much the fat being that is possibly an alien but more likely the work of an Indian tripping on mushrooms or something. Not to brag, but by standards back then, I would have been DaVinci level impressive with my drawings.]

The gig was at Pub Station, which is a music venue with a grungy vibe that sometimes does comedy (there are no comedy clubs). Initially, I was a little worried the audience could be very religious, but even if they were, they had a great (and kind of sick) sense of humor and both myself and Jim killed. It was loads of fun.

The following day Jim and I traveled a couple hours on a scenic mountainous drive to Bozeman. On the way, we made a quick stop at a grizzly bear rescue where we got up close and personal with Bella the Bear (a 900lb beauty). In the wild I would be shitting my pants and playing dead if I ever got this close to a grizzly. That’s what you’re supposed to do if you see a bear. Your best chance is to lay stomach down and hope for the best.

There is a small barrier between you and the majestic mammal, that, if Bella wanted to, she could easily charge right over it and attack us. But she seemed bored with us and more interested in berries. Though this one guy kept whistling at her and I wouldn’t have minded so much if the bear attacked him. I, myself, considered slashing him with this bear claw replica…

Every place Jim and I dined had excellent food. And the people were extraordinarily nice. My only regret is that I didn’t extend the trip to go to Yellowstone. Geography is not my strong suit so I didn’t even realize how close I’d be to one of America’s greatest natural wonders. I even considered moving my flight, but I don’t have any of my hiking gear with me so I’d be vastly under-prepared. I’ll be kicking myself for that, but I’m sure I’ll find another reason and/or time to go.

One more show, then another long travel day back home to the New York grind— a completely different lifestyle than the west. But as the year winds down, I continue to plan escapes and adventures, under different big skies. Like The Kinks sang… “when I feel that the world’s too much for me I think of the Big Sky… And nothing matters much to me.”