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Blog / News
A Bony Ass In The Middle Seat
March 25, 2021
“You sit in the middle.” “Ah, c’mon! I always have to sit in the middle. It isn’t fair!” An adolescent Lori voiced her woes. “You’re the smallest. No one else fits.” “It’s not fair,” I pouted. Once again, whether in my family’s car or with friends, my assigned seat was the most uncomfortable seat in
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But Have You Ever Been In Love With A Rollercoaster?
March 16, 2021
Often, I lament how much I need to get my shit together in virtually every part of my life. With my career, dating life, financially stability, mental stability, the fact that I haven’t even found a buried treasure yet. And then I read news articles about people who sneak into their neighbor’s yards to fuck
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Romance
March 14, 2021
It isn’t so surprising that Pepe Le Pew was ‘canceled’ considering his actions were questionable, at best. But this is a cartoon. And it’s kind of cartoons’ ‘thing’ to exercise ghoulish overkill. Additionally, I’m willing to bet all the money I have (it’s not an impressive amount, admittedly) that no one watched this cartoon and
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Legacy
March 5, 2021
Long before she was pregnant, Mitch said she’d be a great mom. From where I’m standing, Mitch always wanted kids. I always knew he’d be a dad someday. Then came a call in the middle of a summer night. I was awake, stoned and watching television. If I were to guess, he wasn’t sober when
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Pleasure Spiked With Pain
March 2, 2021
One note from the song she wrote Could fuck me where I lay — ‘Aeroplane,’ Red Hot Chili Peppers There I was, sitting in a pain management office across from my doctor, reliving the moments of the accident… again. I walked away from the accident with a souvenir— three herniated discs in my neck. The
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Slim and Chunky
February 21, 2021
Let’s face it. Kids aren’t exactly the most creative when it comes to naming pets or stuffed animals. For example, my nephew named his plush stegosaurus “Bumpy” and when we were in Florida together and found this malnourished little lizard that hung out in my parent’s lanai, he called him “Runny” because he ran fast.
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Can I Smell Your Baby?
February 6, 2021
New born babies have some magical powers. They legitimately release pheromones from the top of their head to make you love them. This sneaky trick you and I did as well when we were mere days old, unaware of what we were, yet alone what we were doing. The pheromones create strong bonds especially between
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TEETH
January 31, 2021
When my parents were selling our childhood home, Mom was clearing out all the things. And I mean all the things. I had already moved out to my apartment in Astoria, though I frequented the mother ship and often stole toilet paper and paper towels during visits. One day when I stopped by my mom
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A Shocking Kiss
January 25, 2021
Look, I know I kind of hoodwinked you into reading this blog with a juicy title. Yeah, you. The person who only sometimes reads my blogs based on the titles. I’m talking to directly to you! You saw this one and thought, “oh, Lori is going to write about her love life.” Well, I tricked
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Hot Water
January 22, 2021
Growing up, if I were to shower before school I’d wake up at 5:45 before my family (though sometimes Dad was up at this hour) to beat my other family’s to bathroom. After, I’d go back to sleep for my “morning nap” for about 20 minutes before continuing to get ready for school. In my
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