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Stranger Things I Find Attractive
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When You Don’t Want To Go To Sleep
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Blog / News
Conversations with Charlotte
April 10, 2024
Charlotte, my six year old niece, is a bundle of love. Even for little girls, I scarcely met anyone sweeter. If angels are born from flawed people, Charlotte’s halo shines brighter than the ring of a lunar eclipse. When throwing a coin in a fountain, she’ll tell you she wishes that, “everyone will be safe
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Burn The Witch
April 10, 2024
“Abandon all reason Avoid all eye contact Do not react Shoot the messengers This is a low flying panic attack Sing the song of sixpence that goes… Burn the witch” — “Burn the Witch,” Radiohead It was Easter Sunday. My initial plans were no plan. And while some think a holiday without plans a lonely
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Monkey Toe Palminteri
March 26, 2024
I open up my lap top to write in a cafe next to a table of older gentlemen discussing politics. It crosses my mind to ask them if any of them are interested in foot videos. But I’m running ahead of myself here a bit, on my fast, apparently very, very sexy feet. Flashback to
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Scored
March 23, 2024
“What the fuck does ‘scoring’ mean?” I ask my sister. It’s St. Patrick’s Day. I’m referring to a text from my mom, instructions on how to make her famous corned beef, which, will be my first attempt at ever making the Irish feast. My mom makes the best corned beef, and everyone who has ever
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Somber as a Saxophone
March 12, 2024
Years ago, I went out with a jazz drummer. He was quite talented, and being the music lover I am, I fancied musicians more easily than I’d like. Though older, like me, he also looked young for his age, and he was attractive, somewhat resembling Robert Downey Jr (one time when we were out, a
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Captain’s Log: Part IIII (Fin)
March 4, 2024
Day 20: It’s still morning on the south shore of Oahu. I’m surfing Moana Bowls, 3-5 foot swells. A rainbow extends from the land into the water. Quite literally, I am somewhere under the rainbow. I have to paddle in soon and finish packing my stuff for my afternoon flight to New York (where, I
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Captain’s Log: Part III
February 28, 2024
Night 10: When I got to the theater to see The Beach Boys, the line was doubled around the corner. Out loud, I said, “fuck this, I’m going to a bar.” There was a half hour until showtime. It’s a 1400 seat theater— and a lot of old people to be seated— so I had
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Captain’s Log: Part II
February 21, 2024
[Most things in Hawaii are beautiful… except this ugly motherfucker.] Day 5: Thursday after the gig, I wasn’t feeling my best. My voice was a little better, but I still sounded like Patty and Selma (Marge Simpson’s sisters). It was kind of a lame day, but productive. Thursdays are my busy days anyway because I
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Captain’s Log: Part I
February 15, 2024
Arrival Day: I don’t consider the arrival day the first day of my Hawaii trip. The flight is over 10 hours, and I slept for most of it with a little help from drugs. The last two hours of the flight were the worst, when I wanted to read my book but the young man
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Did Mike Lindell Cure My Knee?
February 10, 2024
Yeah. That Mike Lindell. The dude who went from a crack head to being a self made millionaire, with the most annoying commercials second only to KARS 4 KIDS. Mike Lindell, who, with every new commercial he makes, the cross around his neck gets bigger and bigger. Like, bro. Maybe you have neck pain because
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