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Talent Show
January 14, 2021
The first talent show I ever participated in I was in elementary school. My sister and I would do a tandem performance. The song/act we would perform was hand picked by our mother, and as I recall, I had little say in the matter: we were to sing “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and
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Dating Material
December 27, 2020
It is of great annoyance to me when some more preachy comics have said, “what are you going to talk about in 2021 when stand-up comes back? Dating?” Um… yeah, probably. Only to be told that’s “not real life.” What? And how does that logic follow? For a long time, I thought my personality type
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Ice Cold Beers In The Snow
December 26, 2020
The wind pushed bare branches to the window panes above my bed, re-telling stories of winter. The falling snow, admittedly, twinkled in the street light and I felt a brief sense of awe before feeling the dread of shoveling and dig, dig, digging my car out of snow. For us in New York, it was
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Chapped Lips On The Face Of An Angel
December 21, 2020
Once upon time, when the world was free to go to things like see live comedy, I waited in the wings to perform my art. My fucked up, beautiful, pure, self-righteous, involuntary laughter inducing art form of stand-up comedy. I reached into my pocket for my chapstick. A pre-show habitual ritual of mine since day
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A Case For Hayden Christensen
December 16, 2020
Okay, okay… so if you’re not a Star Wars fan you could maybe skip this blog, or don’t, it doesn’t matter to me that much anyway. I mean, I do appreciate you being here, as always. I appreciate your reads. Whatever, I’m continuing. I’m continuing this blog about Hayden Christensen. The success of what is
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The Times We Made Mitch Cry
December 4, 2020
Lisa, myself and Mitch are all two years apart. We were, undoubtedly, very planned children. Mitch and I are almost two years apart to the exact day. By far, without any close competition, Lisa cried the most growing up and especially into teenaged years. She was easily triggered and overly sensitive. In the years we
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Ginger, You Bitch
November 22, 2020
In the last nine months, I have made an enemy. An arch nemesis if you will. A cold killer. Reptile eyes and a monster… Ginger. Who is Ginger, you ask? Great question. We’ve never met. In fact, I’ve never even spoken with her. She is my chief rival on Words with Friends. We are both
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Large Gatherings
November 20, 2020
Generally speaking, I hate large gatherings. Even in my younger years when I lived for getting drunk at bars, I didn’t like crowded or loud bars. There is good reason my friends nicknamed me “old man.” For one thing, can we stop it with parades? No more parades. It’s over. They’re overrated. In days before
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A Spirit Animal & Karate
November 16, 2020
A few weeks ago, I went for a jog between working for my two jobs along the water on the East River in Astoria. Music was blasting in my headphones, getting my groove on, feeling productive. Then, I was literally stopped in my tracks… right there, perched on the railing, was a Hawk! “Holy shit,”
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The Lost List Of People Who Should Not Vote
November 4, 2020
Look, it’s not going to be a popular opinion, but I don’t think everyone should vote. Why? Because most people are idiots. Ask the average person what each branch of government actually does and they don’t know. I’m also a half an idiot and never know the people on the ballot for local government and
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