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Beast of Burden
August 7, 2019
My boss at my new job is the type of guy who says both, “oh heck” and “oh shit” in the exact same tone. It’s odd but endearing in it’s own way. He’s so completely dry and low energy he makes me look manically charged. Hands down, one of the nicest bosses I’ve had in
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Ass Pats & Strange Chats
July 30, 2019
“Couldn’t quite seem to escape myself Far enough, far enough Far from Florida We were all drowsing in cruise control Far enough, far enough Wasn’t far enough I stood on my heart supports thinkin’ Oh my God, I’ll probably have to carry this whole load I couldn’t remember if I tried I couldn’t remember if
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North
July 25, 2019
“You don’t bend for the audience, I respect that,” says comedian I opened for, some four or five years ago. And while winning the respect of comedian brotheran has and is more important to me than audience response, I felt it was kind of backhanded compliment that I had good jokes, but I bombed. This
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Till I Get To Sleep
July 17, 2019
“I have to show you something in case they’re not back by 7am,” the boy says, 5 going on 6, son a fellow comedian, named after a famous comedian. I was babysitting him for the evening. His parents would be back long before 7am. He led me to the refrigerator where he had a liquid
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Don’t.
July 9, 2019
“Tell us about yourself.” It’s my first day at the new job. We’re in a conference room. White. Modern. Pristine. It’s me, my boss, and two other guys who work for the company. “I’m a writer and a comedian.” And then I sat there, with an awkward grin. Trying not to squirm in my own
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An Open Letter To My Arch Nemesis
July 1, 2019
To My Arch Nemesis– You nasty bitch. You’re a viscous, horrible existing creature. When people speak of your grace and beauty, I think about wringing my fingers around your thin, long neck. I have seen what you are capable of. You’re a monster. I assumed you probably were already dead until I found out that
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I Don’t Think I’m Going To Do This Much Longer
June 24, 2019
I don’t think I’m going to do this much longer. This. This blog. This website. Twitter. Facebook. Instagram. All of it. Comedy. Stand up. Chasing the dragon. All that. It’s not working out. It’s no ones fault, really. Besides mine. I could’ve/should’ve worked harder. You could always be better. That’s what’s so annoying about it.
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Tiny Tears
June 16, 2019
Little baby Charlotte woke up from her nap and is greeted with a smile from me, her Aunt Lori. Looking up, she seems a little confused. She knows me but she’s not used to waking up to me being there. In her post slumber confusion, she gives me a look like, “you look like my
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If You See Me Coming At You With A Syringe
June 10, 2019
It’s that time of my life again, folks. That time of my life where I shift jobs. One shitty job to the next shitty job. All a secondary means to keep going at this until there’s a writing job. Is there a steady writing job? New York, I love you, but I think about leaving
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Sheets. Stage. Sea.
June 3, 2019
My therapist noted my sheer discomfort in our sessions, and I let her know that this was me in a more comfortable setting. Hearing about how sensitive I really am and how I shield it has quickly become a bore, to be honest. When asked what I thought would make me happy, I replied, “a
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