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Make Me A Real Girl
January 12, 2019
A good friend of mine’s ex-boyfriend used to say this to her: “You’re not a real person until you’re 30 years old.” Of course, in our 20’s, we were respectfully insulted by such a blanket statement. Hadn’t we been fully functioning, on our own, adults? Hadn’t we done more than scrape our knees at the
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The Pencil
January 5, 2019
In middle school, the school would host these “holiday fairs” before our big Christmas break. These fairs basically sold a bunch of crap that kids spent money buying their parents the worst gifts with money that their parents gave them. It’s kind of an insidious plan when you think about it. Kids want to buy
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The First Blog of 2019
January 1, 2019
First off, I have been writing this blog weekly for over 5 years, and if you continue to read it, I thank you. I hope I make you laugh. And when I make you sad, I hope I make you think. If you’re not a family member or an obsessive old boyfriend, I’m still rather
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I Can See A Better Time, When All Our Dreams Come True
December 22, 2018
It is literally the darkest time of the year. That Winter Solstice, the Pagan holiday, in which all our silly holidays are based. But make no mistake here, I’m not knocking something for being silly. In fact, I love things that are silly. Life shouldn’t be so serious all the time. Whether or not we
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Irregular
December 17, 2018
When I was in my early 20’s I had decided to donate my eggs. Not for any altruistic reason. They pay you $8000 to $10,000 to do so. As a recently graduated college student with a drive and diligence to pursue a career as a writer and a comedian, I thought that a nice sum
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The Last Minute Of The Fourth Quarter
December 14, 2018
Many people have had worse years. That’s one of the added layers of anyone who has depressive issues, that icing of guilt remembering that your life is actually pretty good, considering, and you still struggle mentally. But it was a turbulent year, often disappointing, lonely… let downs. You know, that thing we call life. Christmas
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An Addictive Drug
December 2, 2018
I’d be quick to defend marijuana over alcohol. Alcohol is a much more toxic drug, responsible for an alarming amount of deaths while pot is more responsible of people not leaving their houses to watch Netflix and eat ice cream and while the latter is lazy, it’s certainly better than delirium tremens. The government is
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And Now They Know Your Name
November 25, 2018
“Hi Lori! Are you happy?” Confused, “um… I dunno. Am I supposed to be?” “You’re so funny! I’m still laughing at your jokes. You must be so happy if you’re that funny.” Clearly this woman has never known comedians. We’re the not a cheery bunch. I know more comedians who are medicated for depression than
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Skinny
November 19, 2018
It wasn’t like I wasn’t aware that I had been skipping meals, or even when I did eat, my stomach would go into knots, cramping and making me nauseous, half wishing I hadn’t eaten at all (although not eating also leads to nausea, so it’s a lose-lose situation). Depression never led me to “eat my
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Drunk. Mess.
November 10, 2018
Sometime around this time last year, I got on the subway late at night after a gig. Music blasting in my headphones. To be honest, I don’t know how anyone tolerated the subway pre-headphones. One time I thought a guy was going to stab me because I told him not to play his music on
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