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Time Spent In Space
July 6, 2014
On the beach of Fire Island, the night sky was clear enough to see Saturn, Mars, and the Milky Way. We were drunk enough, passing my pipe, thinking how small we were in this universe, in a cliche stoner fashion. It was one of those perfect moments. Two best friends, sharing a point in time,
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In Five Years Time
July 1, 2014
Where do you see yourself in five years? I really hate that question. Five years ago, I tried stand-up for the first time. Stand-up comedy was not something I always wanted to do. I always wanted to be a sitcom writer. Stand-up just seemed terrifying and impossible to me. Which is why I had to
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WHITE. TRASH. PEACOCK. HATER.
June 22, 2014
We drove. It was a long car ride, lacking today’s technology to pass the time. But we didn’t mind. We were going to Disney World, and we couldn’t be happier. But, before visiting the happiest place on Earth, we had to visit the least happiest places on Earth: my grandparents trailer home in Florida. Paint
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Just a Dad & His Toy Helicopter
June 15, 2014
My dad has a collection of toy helicopters. He thinks you’ll be impressed by his piloting skills of the miniature flying machine. He’ll have you put out your hand flat, and land it on your palm. There’s about an equal chance that it will land on your hand as the tiny propeller may hit your
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All In Good Time
June 12, 2014
If you haven’t seen the new X-Men Days of Future Past, I highly recommend you do so. If you don’t like X-Men, we’re probably not friends, nor will we ever be. Not only do I love super heroes, but I’m very into time traveling stories. If you don’t like X-Men, then… Oh time traveling, long
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I Am Superman, And I Can’t Do Anything
June 1, 2014
Years from now, I will be diagnosed with some sort of personality disorder. Schizoid, or something. A mild form of aspergers. Years from now, I will stop self medicating, and start getting medicine from a doctor. Anti-depressants. Anti-anxiety. Something for this, and something for that. Years from now, I will forgive myself for not being
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Fairy Tale Wedding
May 27, 2014
Is there a better way to celebrate a marriage by getting so shit faced drunk that you can’t feel the blisters developing on your feet from uncomfortable hells? I think not. Despite my general aversion to the institution of marriage, I more than approve of my cousin and her new husband’s elopement. The reason they
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Donate Blood, Save My Life
May 19, 2014
I hate needles. It’s the main reason I don’t have any tattoos or never tried heroin. I don’t know what it is that makes me dizzy from the very sight of a needle. I don’t like to look at them, think about them, even writing this very blog about needles is making me cringe. It
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When In Doubt, Go Out
May 11, 2014
(Mitch is the pretty one) We spent our summers at Atlantique beach, Fire Island. Our skin tanned from hours in the sun, often forgetting to reapply sunblock. Or more likely, that we didn’t care to. We hadn’t a care in the world. It was summer vacation, and as far as we were concerned, summers were
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The Jury & The Judge
May 6, 2014
It actually annoys me when people say “you shouldn’t judge people,” or, worse, if a person claims they don’t judge people. This is purely idiotic. Of course we judge people. And we should. It’s pure primal instinct. Fight or flight. You need to assess every situation and person you encounter. If you did not judge
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