Don’t Kill Your Heroes

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• October 5, 2014

The time I was most star struck in my entire life was by someone most would never recognize:  David Sedaris.

David Sedaris is an author, one of my favorite writers, and an inspiration to me.  His writing is hilarious, real, and cynical yet warm.  In a way, my love for his work had more of an influence on me to become a stand up than most stand ups.  In high school, I just wanted to be David Sedaris (yup… I wanted to be a gay man. Does that clarify a few things?)

Sedaris’s book tour was going to stop in the Hamptons on Long Island last year.  Of course I was going to go.  Another comic joined me.  We waited on line, and I was so nervous.  Like a little kid, excited and nervous.  This is not common with me.  I’m rarely star-stuck.  I’m not easily impressed.  Even my friend was like, “what’s wrong with you, you literally have phone numbers of people who are more famous than David Sedaris.”

When it was our turn, I handed him a copy of my favorite book of his, “Me Talk Pretty One Day.”  No words came out of my mouth.  I went to say something, but I just made a faint noise I’m sure no one else heard.  Lucky for me, my friend couldn’t really care less about meeting my hero, so he said, “this is my friend Lori.  She’s a stand-up comic. We blame you for that.  She says you’re her idol.”

David smiled and laughed, and he signed my book.   He was whole-heartedly impressed that I was a comic.  He’s a big comedy fan (his sister, Amy Sedaris is also hilarious), and has a huge respect for stand-ups.  “I could never do what you do,” he said.  And we talked for a few minutes, despite the long line.

He, of course, had never seen my stand-up, but there was something about genuinely impressing your hero that gives you a euphoric high, making you believe you are at least doing something right in your life.

It’s true that sometimes your heroes let you down.  Whether they’re famous people, or a close friend or family member.  It’s usually not their fault, either.  It’s not their fault if you built them up to be someone they’re not.  Sometimes, it is better never to meet your heroes.

One of the really cool things in comedy, is you’re likely to not only meet some of your favorite comics you idolize; you’ll probably work with them.  And along the way, comics will become your friends and you’ll look up to them, and they’ll push you to be better.

Long before I became a comic, or even considered it, I always had an affinity for SNL’s Weekend Update anchors.  I loved SNL, but Weekend Update was what I looked forward to the most.  Colin Quinn is not only one of my favorite comics, but one of the most down to earth, funny and smart people to work with and to talk to.  When I was still pretty green, I emceed for Wendy Liebman (recently on AGT), and she watched my set and complimented me after the show.  Honestly, when I watch tapes of myself back then, I cringe.  But people who’ve been in comedy  a while have better foresight, because they’ve been there.  They know comedy is a long process.  They can see things you can’t.  That’s why encouragement from people like Colin and Wendy are so important to me.  Then, there are moments that are so great, they seem surreal: I wrote a script with Jim Breuer, adapting his material into a pilot, punching it up with some of my own jokes.  I sat in a room with him during a read through, laughing, and it was just one of those moments when you think, is this really my life right now?  

 Comedy is fucking hard.  That’s what makes it so rewarding.  It’s pretty rare I meet comics I don’t like.  And it’s so much fun working with funny people, whether they’re headliners or up and coming, like me.  I just returned from Indianapolis for a comedy festival.  I was having a lot of anxiety about going.  Not about the shows.  I’m kind of a recluse and I was afraid of hanging out with people.  Two days before, I wanted to cancel so bad.  My social anxiety was really creeping in.  Right before I left, I hung out with one of my good comedy friends and funny comic, Rob Ryan.  Rob is a super great dude, and very well adjusted human, more than most comics I know (myself included).  Just talking to him about comedy calmed my nerves so much.  Because comics are crazy people, but generally in the best way, or at least in a way that I can relate to.  I’ve done a lot of festivals and always had a good time.  Why was I worrying (stupid question, I always worry!)?  Indianapolis was great.  The comics out there were talented and a lot of fun to hang with.

The Long Island comedy scene is where I got my chops in comedy.  I’m fortunate to have a group of dudes in that scene who are brothers to me.  We bust each other’s balls, but we can be serious too.  We can talk about our goals and our fears.  I’m most comfortable around them, but it took a long time.  I was so socially awkward when I first started working Governor’s that my now good buddy and great comic, Tim Krompier, told me last year that he thought I was slightly autistic when he first met me (he also told me recently that he still thinks I might be slightly autistic).

Comics from all levels who are original, hard working, and funny are people that inspire me.  I was a comedy fan before I was a comic, and I like to see talented good people get better and get breaks in this business.  Also, I like to be a hipster asshole that tells people, “I fucking told you they were funny as hell.”

This brings me to final point: Become your own hero.  It’s not that hard to figure out.  Who are your heroes?  Why?  Do that.  In my adolescence, I hung out with a lot kids who were older than me.  Also, I have twenty first cousins, and I’m one of the younger ones.  There were a lot people in my life that weren’t on TV that I really admired (still do!).   But what happened as they entered adulthood before I did, is really just that… they entered adulthood.  They didn’t like their jobs.  They conformed to these social norms, which would be fine if they were happy, but they weren’t, and maybe I was naïve in thinking their lives would go down a different path.  My dad, even, went through a long, long rough period where he was depressed.  I never admitted it to my real life heroes, but it crushed me to see them stuck where they didn’t want to be.  In my eyes, they were smarter, funnier, and better than me.  If they couldn’t do what they loved, what shot did I have?

I work hard.  I do what I say I’m going to do.  Talk is cheap.  Stop dreaming, start doing.  And recently, I find that these people I once looked up to now look up to me.  It scares me a little.  Because I don’t want to disappoint them.  I want to impress my comedy peers.  I want to make my family proud.  But most of all, I want to be my own fucking hero.  There’s a version of yourself that you created when you were a kid that you wanted to grow up to be.  Don’t kill that person.