FOMS

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• December 16, 2023

We’ve all heard of FOMO (fear of missing out) unless you are a true hermit who avoids the internet and are probably a lot happier than the rest of us who scroll and yearn and create avatars of ourselves because the only thing we fear more than missing out on things is our true selves— or if anyone will like that version of us.

FOMS is probably not something you’ve ever heard of, because I made it up. Right now. Right here. For this blog. I call it: “Fear of Missing Sheets.” As a true introvert, one of my favorite places in the whole world is simply my bed, wrapped in sheets, watching a movie or reading a book. Sometimes I see a picture of cozy bed surrounded by books and that is almost as attractive to me as a shirtless Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.

One of the blessings that comes with getting older is the lack of need to go out. Granted, I still like going out, but it almost always depends on the company and often the weather. I don’t care for the company of strangers. And I generally can’t stand the masses unless I’m stupefied by substance. Even then, I’d rather one of my counterparts be with me so I can make fun of them. All I really need is an audience of one.

But even gatherings I look forward to or parties I want to go to can be interrupted by a storm, or simply the tire of a hard week, the sniffles of an allergy attack. I’ve learned, it’s quite liberating to say no. Even if a part of you wants to go. If your body years for the sheets, perhaps it’s best to rest. Save yourself from running yourself down. Recharge. Sometimes I’ll be out and think, “wow, I really miss my sheets.”

I think this an important lesson at this time of year. Holiday parties are fun, sure, but sometimes the best gift to yourself is to slow it down.

Some years ago, I was at the bar of a comedy club after a show with another comic. He was a least 20 years older than me (though most comics were at that time, I was young once). He told me his date had canceled on him that night. She said she was “having a bad mental health day.”

I said, “Huh. You can do that? You can simply say you’re mentally drained and cancel a date?”

“Sure,” he said, “maybe years ago I’d be offended or suspicious, but not anymore. I’d rather someone just be honest with me. And most women are crazy. No offense.”

“None taken.”

Simple conversations can stand out in your memory when you realize how wonderful simple truths are. And how you can abandoned plans (especially when you’re not married or don’t have kids) if you don’t feel like it. And adults will get it, because we’ve all been there.

Being kinder to yourself is something I lecture others on, but too often am lousy at practicing myself. While it can be unhealthy to fall into an antisocial loop of just wanting to stay in, it’s okay to sometimes skip out on events, knowing you’d experience FOMS, burnt out and needing to be swaddled in your own bed. It’s okay. Replace FOMO with FOMS today, fellow introverts and haters of the cold. It may be what you need.