One Hour

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• March 14, 2017

The list of things people say that make me want to punch them in the face is growing at an alarming rate.  At this point, I’m genuinely surprised I’m able to contain high levels of rage in my petite body and haven’t punched anyone in the face.   When I go home at night, I’m genuinely proud of myself for not being an asshole to people sometimes, and that’s not something you should be patting yourself on the back for.

I absolutely fucking hate it when people say comics only work for one hour (or less), and undermine the work it takes to become a comedian.  No one in comedy works just an hour.

It’s years of shitty open mics.   Exceeding 365 shows a year, (mostly) open mics for years straight, where you often have to pay money to go on stage.  It’s years of shitty bar shows, where you’re happy if you’re paid with a free drink or two, or maybe, if you’re lucky, a free slice of pizza.  It’s years of being in the red from paying for mics, and gas, and tolls, and train rides.  It’s years of losing money before you even start to break even while honing your craft.  It’s years of you not even thinking about the sacrifice, because you don’t care.  You’re in love.  Or addicted.  Likely, both.

It’s a routine, sitting down, with a marble notebook, and listening to Danny Elfman Pandora (I assume a lot of comics also listen to movie soundtracks when they write (probably not though)), while writing and drinking tea and or coffee, or sometimes bloody mary’s or red wine.  It’s listening to tapes of the god awful sound of your own voice to improve jokes.  God, do I really sound like that?  Geez, why hasn’t anyone punched me in the face?  Editing.  Re-writing.  Writing new.  Writing tags.  Writing topical jokes, or personal jokes.  A lot of really bad jokes.  Joke books full of god awful crap.  But the more god awful jokes you write, the more good jokes you’ll write too.  If you love it, it never gets easier, but you do get better at it, and it becomes necessary.  Writing jokes, screenplays, short stories, whatever, it’s as crucial to your career as it is to your sanity at some point.

It’s not just the writing alone at home, in a Starbucks, in a park.  It’s the failing on stage.  The failing in front of people, constantly.  You have to do this.  You have to do it a lot.  It’s the only way to get better.  There’s no way around the grind.  You’ll find some of the best people here though.

It’s driving.  And flying.  Trying not to burn money at the airline bar (you’re barely making any money anyway).  And long subway rides.  And more driving.  A lot of driving, and long car rides by yourself, blasting music to sing along and/or drown out your thoughts.  It’s lonely moments with no one but your post show adrenaline in your (probably not so great) hotel room.

It’s slowly but surely rarely seeing the friends who aren’t also comedians.  The gigging every night drives wedges in relationships.  You drive wedges in relationships because your devotion to comedy is a selfish one.  That’s okay.  You’re still in love.  You’re still addicted.  Was there ever a difference?

It’s the many hours of emotional highs and emotional lows.  The adrenaline of a new bit killing, and the pitch blackness of creative plateaus and fear of a very uncertain, doubtful future.

It’s years of lack of sleep, as you stay up late going to shows, and have to get up early for the day job.  It’s hours of hanging around clubs and rooms, so people know who you are and don’t forget you.  You are easily forgotten.  There are so many comedians.  So many really talented, funny comedians.

Who knows how many hours.

Are there lazy comedians who don’t work hard?  Sure.  For every comic I know who busts his or her ass, I know three comics who’s growth is idle due to their own lack of self discipline.

But do not watch a stand-up and think they only work one of twenty four hours.  Even if they say this on stage (they are lying).  There is nothing I put more time into than comedy.  Don’t undermine the process.  It’s disrespectful to great comedians.