I Swear I’m Not A Baby Crazed 32 Year Old

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• January 17, 2022

“I swear I’m not a baby crazed 32 year old,” sounds like something a baby crazed 32 year old would say. I understand this.

My apartment has been undergoing some minor upgrades, including a new dresser, a (finally) big TV, a much needed bookshelf and even a new roommate, Gertrude. Gertrude is a beta fish, who, I just found out is male and not a female, but maybe Gertrude is trans, okay? I have a trans, beta fish child/roommate now, who is even more anti-social than me.

But I digress.

As I was looking around my tiny home, I realized that basically all the pictures in my apartment of people are of babies. Mostly, of my nephews and niece, but there are also pictures of my siblings, myself and my cousins— but nothing recent, all the pictures of us are when we were babies.

So, I was thinking if/when I have a gentleman caller over, they’re going to be properly freaked out that I’m trying to get pregnant over here (I am not). Hmmm… maybe I should have more pictures of adults here, among my stacks of books.

Who, however, wouldn’t be obsessed with these faces?

My first love, Anthony, who wants to be my “Prince Charming.” Then, the sweet and sassy Charlotte who says, “I love you,” more than anyone I’ve ever met. And most recently, boy wonder, Blaise, who, when he sees me, he simply turns his face and gives me his cheek because he knows I’m going to kiss it 30 times, rapid fire.

I still don’t think my own kids are in the cards for me. Years before my siblings had kids, I used to have dreams about them having kids. I never have dreams about me having a kid. And I literally have dreams I remember every single night.

There other reasons besides these hippy-dippy reasons, however. Years ago, I wrote a blog about having polycystic ovaries. This means, it would not be impossible for me to get pregnant, but it would probably be difficult. Additionally, I’m now at the age where a pregnancy would be considered geriatric (which feels like we should change this term). It’s hard to say right now if I’d regret never having kids. After all, I’ve never really been on the same page with lovers. For the most part, the ones I’ve been head over heels with didn’t see me as a girlfriend, and the men who flipped over me, I just didn’t flip over them.

Furthermore, it feels like my career is finally starting. And I’m really, really excited about my future for the first time in a long time. I’m well aware I’m still in trying business but when I think about selling a movie script it doesn’t feel like it’s impossible anymore.

Sure, do I sometimes find myself in the baby section of Target smelling baby socks? Yes. Fucking maternal instincts are as old as humankind. My family doesn’t feel incomplete though. I feel very much fulfilled.

Am I a baby crazed 32 year old? Yes, actually. I’m an Anthony, Charlotte and Blaise crazed aunt. They are my favorite.