Sworn Common Enemy

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• September 13, 2023

It bothers me I now live in a country with no sense of unity, that people are quick to point fingers, lack the self awareness that sometimes you can choose to be a victim or not. Is community dead? Is it just my tribe versus your tribe? And no room for compromise? No dance floor between teams where we can go, “fuck it, we have different beliefs but life is short, let’s play some music and have fun!”

The in fighting in America, I fear, may continue forever. Unless we have a common enemy, we will (stupidly and brainwashed by politicians and media) fight each other. But here in Astoria, my home, where I do have a sense of neighborhood, safety and belonging, we have always been cordial and courteous to each other. And now, we do have a sworn common enemy, all of us. The lantern flies.

[Fuck these mother fuckers]
If you do not know what the spotted lantern flies are, beware, they are likely coming your way and they love sweet crops (specifically grapes). They almost look like moths with red wings and spots. I first heard about them last year being all over Penn Station, which I found odd. I didn’t even realize there was one on my house shortly after this warning as I thought it was a moth in the daylight. But more and more, they are everywhere. And they have no natural predators… except us.

Environmentalists have been encouraging humans to smash these things. They are brazen too. They will just fly and land on you. They don’t bite (thank goodness). But their overtaking will have a negative impact on the Eco system. I don’t think they’ve made it out to the wineries out East on Long Island, but the wineries are in serious trouble if/when they do. As I’ve seen trees covered with them and it is disgusting.

[Kill them all dead.]
I live practically on Astoria Park where I frequent. Often, you can find me smashing these things and doing a victory dance. In fact, when I see someone else kill a lantern fly, I high five them and call them a hero. Our mutual mission for something to kill has, morbidly, brought us together.

Since I was a kid, I deplored pretty much every type of insect. I fear to even share some of the ways my siblings and I mass murdered bugs because I feel like it’s slightly alarming. Relax. I never hurt a mammal, but my sister, brother and I really enjoyed setting bugs on fire and truthfully, the only reason my parents worried about this is because they thought we’d accidentally set the deck on fire but they were happy we were killing bugs. Our family bonded over murdering bugs, just as the Queens and NYC community nods in approval when they see someone slay these winged beasts.

Granted, I don’t feel as accomplished as I do every time I end a mosquitos life (fuck mosquitos, seriously, the number one killer of humans), and furthermore lantern flies can’t read because they are stupid, useless bugs, but heed my warning spotted lantern fly—  you are not wanted here. And New Yorkers are pissed. And we are happy to take out our repent anger on you.