I Wrote This When I Was Very Angry & Very Intoxicated

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• July 5, 2015

My best friend, and non-sexual soul mate came out to his parents, coincidentally (but memorable and apropos), on the Friday same-sex marriage was legalized nationwide.  Not only have I known for years, but we’re so close and spend so much time together, his parents have long thought we’ve been a couple.

This happens a lot.  It’s kind of funny, because we’ll go out together and pay for food and drinks separately, and sometimes people give him shit…
“You’re not paying for your girl?” The guy at the pizzeria would say all the time.
“Yah,” I’d provoke, “why aren’t you paying for me.”

Years ago, when he came out to me, I didn’t see it coming.  But then I thought about it, and I was like, “that makes sense.”  And our lives and friendship continued on exactly how it was, except now, occasionally, we’ll talk about how hot a dude is.

His parents were both surprised and upset to learn their son is gay.  So, he stayed at my folks house with me, where he’s seen as a family member.  My whole family loves this kid.  I feel like I kind of did a shitty job being there for him, because I think I might’ve been angrier than he was.  I wanted to drive over to his house, and punch his mother square in the jaw.  I felt like she genuinely deserved it.  And how satisfying it would have been.

First off, I can’t even begin to comprehend people getting upset when someone is gay.  I can’t fathom it all.  I know I’m bias because he’s my best friend, but he is such an amazing person.  He’s so funny, which is why we were drawn to one another in the first place.  We’ve known each other since middle school, but we weren’t really close till high school.  He was always hilarious, coming up with clever pranks.  He is such a goof.  Honestly, if he became a comedian, every one would be like “that makes sense.”  With me, people are usually pretty shocked because of my introverted nature.  He’s also smart, thoughtful, and always down to do fun things.  He’s genuinely a good person, with an asshole sense of humor, which is rare.  He is my brother.  And I wouldn’t want to live in a world without my brothers.

The fact that his parents reacted in any other way than shrugging and telling him they love him, irritated me to the point of rage.  It’s pretty rare for me to get angry at anyone else besides myself, but when I do, it consumes me.  People are really fucked up.  I’m fully aware I’m insane.  What frightens me is how much more sane I am than most people.  I don’t have kids, probably never going to have kids, and it’s true a lot of things can go wrong when raising a child.  Truth be told, as a parent, you’re going to screw your kids up at least a little bit.  It’s going to happen.  But out of all the possible problems a human can have, being gay has never been one of them.

For someone who has been through dangerously low depressions, I sure am shitty at consoling people in their times of need.  I remember when my cousin’s dog died, I made a tasteless joke.  I think that was the only time she’s ever been mad at me.  A very good childhood friends’ parents went through a divorce when we were younger, and I don’t think I ever asked him about it, or hugged him, or anything.  My dad went through a long depression which lasted over two years, and I distanced myself from him in that time.  I sincerely regret my lack of compassion towards my own father in those rough years, very much so.  Another time, I was seeing this guy, and right after we had sex, he told me his grandma was dying, and I patted his shoulder, said, “that sucks,” like I was his buddy in a locker room.  I then clothed myself and left.  The worst part about it, is I didn’t even realize how insensitive I was until about 48 hours later.  It’s so cold-hearted, it’s tragically hilarious.  It’s always going to be tough love with me.  I’m not the one to come to for hugs.  But if you want to get a drink, I’ll try to make you laugh with my dry wit, or go on an impromptu trip to Six Flags, I’m your girl.

There’s compassion in me, but it’s easily trumped.  Still, I just can’t shake the feeling that I just want to shake them.  I just wanted to shake his parent’s and yell in their face, “what is wrong with you?  Don’t you realize the world is filled with idiots and awful people?  Wake up!  He’s one in a million.  You’re so fucking lucky.  You don’t deserve him as your son.  We don’t fucking deserve him.”